Simon has developed his story into a script for a short film
WARNING TO SENSITIVE SOULS!: Contains Strong Swearing!
A Tribute to the Nerd (It’s a Wonderful Nerd Life):
Short Film Screenplay
INT: BEDROOM, EARLY MORNING
A YOUNG MAN is in quite a small room with lots of shelves filled with all sorts of games consoles, memorabilia, DVDs – typical geeky stuff.
He blearily wakes up wiping the sleep out of his eyes. Then stumbling, goes to THE BATHROOM to take a shower. The water is switched on but it is too hot and then too cold. Annoying. Finally he adjusts it to a comfortable temperature and can use it.
He gets dressed in a white shirt with a pocket full of pens, and gap slacks. He is the ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD.
Then he goes down to THE BREAKFAST ROOM and rustles up some French toast
INT: SITTING ROOM, MORNING
The NERD fires up a games console and starts playing a game, perhaps DONKEY KONG COUNTRY or SUPER MARIO BROS. 3 (Those are good games)
A MONTAGE of him perhaps sharing memories about the game and being happy with it, dissolves into another of failure after failure, getting killed by enemies or falling down pits to his death, whatever.
NERD: Fuck… FUCK, FUUUUUCK!!! This game is FUCKING HORRIBLE!!!! It SUCKS ASS.
(Crosses over to his shelves full of games and picks up a random title)
NERD: This game sucks! (Tosses it across the room).
And this game sucks! (Picks it up and tosses it). And that one sucks too!! AAAAARGGHHHH!!
He grabs a bottle of beer from his fridge. And chugs some of it down.
NERD (head in hands): I just can’t stand this crap. (Shakes head sadly). Jeez, if I wasn’t around, maybe shitty games wouldn’t be either. But Mario, Donkey Kong… all those were GOOD games, where did I go wrong? It’s all my fault! (Nearly crying)
EXT: SNOWY BRIDGE ABOVE A RIVER, NIGHT
THE NERD stands on the bridge, preparing to jump. Images flash in his mind of all the games he has played over the years. He mutters to himself.
NERD: No more… Ninja Turtles, no more… Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, no more Donkey Kong, no more Mario….
HE TAKES A SHARP BREATH. FADE TO BLACK
INT: BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING. It is exactly the same set up as some time earlier.
A YOUNG MAN, JAMES, wakes up from his bed and casually walks into the BATHROOM. He turns on the shower, not too hot or cold, but just right.
He gets dressed in jeans and a shirt and goes downstairs to check his email and get some breakfast.
CLOSE UP – laptop screen
“REPORTS OF THE DEATH OF THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD….”
THE YOUNG MAN looks panicked, worried. Something isn’t right.
MONTAGE (flashback?) to pictures of THE NERD on a high snowy bridge.
JAMES stands forcefully. He feels he has to do something.
EXT: BRIDGE, NIGHT
THE NERD looks around. It’s as if he can feel something, like there’s some kind of…. presence.
THE NERD’s PHONE vibrates in his pocket, and we hear a familiar ringtone – the first few bars of the AVGN theme (“He’s gonna take you back to the past….”)
THE NERD flips open his phone, and reads the message.
“HELLO THERE. COME WITH ME, WE’RE GOING BACK TO THE PAST”
(First few bars of AVGN theme plays – Scary Version)
NERD: What the..?
“IT CAN’T END LIKE THIS. PLEASE DON’T JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE”
NERD: Yeee….. aarrrrrggghh!!
Pause. He jumps back in pure terror, too scared to reply. Who’s contacting him? The message means they can see him, or know where he is.
NERD: WHO’S THERE?
(Confused): What.. what’s going on?
Another MESSAGE appears on his phone, in fact this time, he can hear a voice with it.
(VO): “YOU MAY NOT KNOW ME, BUT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I CAN SEE EVERYTHING.
I’M CLOSER THAN YOU THINK. WHO AM I???
JUST FIGURE IT OUT!”
NERD (terrified): WHO ARE YOU?
THE NERD backs away slowly, and then RUNS.
CLOSE UP of THE NERD’s face, exhausted from running. He frantically opens the door to his apartment.
NERD: Shit, am I having a nightmare? How can this be real?
He wearily, groggily makes his way into his SITTING ROOM and switches on the TV
CLOSE UP of CLOCK on wall changing from 11:30pm to 12 midnight
Then we hear a DISEMODIED VOICE.
VO: Hi, ask me a question, anything you like. But there’s a catch, the answer can only be yes or no.
THE NERD sits bolt upright, red-eyed with fear. Not this weird voice again!
NERD (Half angry/exhausted): Look, whoever you are, just… go away. Please, I don’t want this.
VO: A yes or no question, remember. You don’t understand it yet, but I want to help.
NERD: Help me? You have a seriously screwed up way of doing that, you psycho. You don’t even tell me your name.
NERD (STARTING TO GET MAD): Y.. You… WHAT THE HELL?!? Why do you keep on tormenting me, and asking me weird shit like this, you fucking asshole? HOW can you see me?! Anyway, WHO the FUCK are you?!
VO (annoyed): That’s not what I said, because it’s not a yes or no question!
THE NERD breathes heavily, searching his brain for an appropriate response to this goofball.
NERD: Errrm, OK then. Are you… anywhere in my apartment?
THE NERD anxiously peers round into his mirror, and sees a YOUNG MAN – someone strangely familiar. But he is dressed differently, more casually.
YOUNG MAN: Now just remember what I said earlier – we’re going back to the past together. C’mon man, just look inside, and I can show you your past.
THE NERD looks in the mirror and we see a LITTLE BOY unwrapping a Christmas present and playing video games, classics like YOSHI’S ISLAND or DONKEY KONG COUNTRY. He looks very happy.
YOUNG MAN: Remember how you loved Mario World, Yoshi’s Island. Streetfighter II, it was just awesome! [Grins] You see Nerd, you really had a wonderful life, playing some amazing games when you were a kid, right?
NERD (somewhat grudgingly): Hmmm…. yeah, thats pretty cool, I guess.
CUT TO: EXT: HIGH SNOWY BRIDGE – NIGHT
The camera pulls back to reveal: THE NERD
NERD: Wait.. what the… is this me???! Wait a second, just tell me… what the FUCK is going on here! How do you know me and stalk me like that?
YOUNG MAN (impassioned): I can’t let this happen to you. You’re too important!
NERD (seriously annoyed): Are you fucking serious? Why do you give a shit what happens to me? I’m just one ordinary guy, I’m not a God you know. Nobody cares about me. I’m not imperative to anyone, or anything!
The NERD’s shoulders droop. He is weary and defeated, as if he’s about to throw in the towel.
NERD: I.. just wish all this had never happened. I just wanted to put an end to all this pain, and have some closure. (Almost crying). I thought, if I wasn’t around, maybe annoying and shitty games wouldn’t be either.
The YOUNG MAN smiles ruefully.
YOUNG MAN: All we have to decide.. is what to do with the time that is given to us. You’re more important than you know.
Without you, no one would know good games from bad ones, and so wouldn’t be able to avoid them. You warn people about shitty games.
Good and evil, pleasure and pain, yin and yang. They all need to balance. That’s how the world works. I want to say, it’s OK to get angry and pissed off. We all do.
You’re a guardian watching over us all, and there’s a part of you in everyone on the planet.
NERD (puzzled): I don’t… I don’t get it, what do you mean by that?
More and more people playing video games, at first calmly but then getting royally pissed off at impossible jumps, cheap deaths, and cursing NERD style.
Someone watching an AVGN video online and laughing. It is funny, it’s actually funny looking at these awful, terrible games.
Realisation dawns. The NERD can scarcely believe his eyes.
YOUNG MAN: Now, do you see what I meant? There are loads of other people in this world just like you. I had to show you life is precious, and that many people would be upset if you were gone.
Remember… who you are. Do you know what you were meant to do?
You’re a Nerd, you’ll always be a Nerd, a Video Game Nerd.
THE NERD nods solemnly as if he understands exactly what the young man in the mirror means. It is his calling to fight bad video games. In fact his goal wasn’t to prevent them, but to survive them.
NERD: One day I’ll rediscover joy, and find a game I love playing.
CUT TO: EXT: A high bridge
CUT TO: A YOUNG MAN sits back in his chair and sighs contentedly, looking back on his work. He looks very familiar, for he is JAMES.
CLOSE UP – Laptop Screen
It’s a Wonderful Nerd Life
By James Rolfe
Actor/Film-Maker and creator of The Angry Video Game Nerd
A New Angry Video Game Nerd Episode
Cue AVGN theme song – or even simply just the last line (Kyle Justin): “He’s the Angry… Video Game… Neeerrrrd!”
INT: SITTING ROOM of THE NERD’S APARTMENT.
THE NERD picks a game from his shelf and looks closely at it. You can sense this is a defining moment. (CLOSE UP). He nods.
NERD: Maybe.. just one more, for old times’ sake.
CUT TO: CLOSE-UP of him playing this mystery game. What is it? There’s something… different about this one.
He can scarcely believe it. We see the surprise on his face.
CUT TO: MONTAGE of him enjoying games (maybe insert some actual clips/footage from the web show here).
Perhaps it’s a game he really enjoys like Mario 3, and he’s just seeing the positives now.
Maybe it could be an unearthed gem he didn’t expect to enjoy – like Super Back to the Future II on Super Famicom or a rare arcade game like Ninja Baseball Batman!
Maybe he is finally beating a tough game from his childhood like Ghosts n’ Goblins!
NERD (in a mix of joy and shock): WOOOOAAAHHHH…. I can’t believe it!
They pulled through!!
OH MY GOODDD!!!!! I did it!!!!!! I found a game… that’s not shit!!!! This game is awesome!!
Wow man, this is amazing! (Breathes heavily)
THE NERD collapses on his couch in happiness. Pause
He gets up from his couch, crosses over to his shelves full of games, and hugs them.
NERD (to camera): I love great games, but I also play horrible games, so that innocent gamers don’t have to. From now on, I really won’t be as grumbly or angry! Well, not very often anyway….
“Epic Instrumental version” of the AVGN theme song plays to the end
Written by and © Simon Gifford, 2016